HANDS:
hands
hands title:
§7. Standing around
hands date:
14 August 2022
hands text:
01
Here is a quote from "TILE YOUR WORLD" by John P. Bridge published 20 years ago in the US. Our favourite chapter is called "Standing Around":
02
"It takes years to develop a passable approach to goofing off while making it look as though you're doing something useful. In Ceramic Tile Setting (McGraw-Hill, 1992) I passed along a method of standing around that fools people most of the time, and during the ensuing years I've improved the technique considerably. Please feel free to use my experience as a basis for the development of your own unique routine.
03
There are, of course, many ways to stand around, but if you're going to do it right, you've got to consider it the art form it is. I mean, don't just stand there like a ninny, do it if with flare and with style. Spread your feet apart a comfortable distance while focusing on the project. Contrive facial expression that is contemplative but nonchalant as well.
04
The idea is to let on that while you're very serious about the work you're doing, it's really not much of a challenge to a person of your technical ability. Taking a deep breath and exhaling audibly while staring intently at he work tend to impress anyone who might be looking on. Propping a hand under your chin while mumbling technical-sounding but otherwise unintelligible word fragments works even better.
05
An important component of the standing around routine is the ability to deter onlookers from asking you embarrassing questions on practical points you might not fully understand, so it pays to prepare yourself in advance. For example, you should develop a condescending look and practice in practice it frequently in front of the mirror.
06
Should someone dare to ask you a question while in the course of your standing around, flashing the look usually suffices in place of an answer. I must warn you, however, that occasionally, you'll be confronted by a particularly inquisitive and grating person, and the look won't be enough. Should you determine this is the case, revert immediately to the mumbling sequence. It'll be your best defence."